Self growth

I've realised that I only put images in my blog posts because I feel like that's the blogger "norm" but honestly, I don't care. I can't think of any photos that would be relevant to this so let's just start.

I always say that moving to the sixth form I'm currently at was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Right now you're probably thinking "But Lauryn, all you do is complain about it and how you can't wait to leave?" and while this is true, I've realised that it has definitely helped me to grow as an individual and prepared me for life beyond Plymouth when I go to university in September and have to start from fresh all over again.

I don't know why but people never really seemed to take to me at this sixth form, maybe it's because I don't have the most up to date clothing, or I am really just quite shy or even because I'm just different. After all, it's 2017 and people are still scared of people that aren't exactly like them. Anyway, I thought that it used to bother me but now I realise that it's encouraged me to put myself first and be my own best friend(ok really, that sounded so cringe but you get me). It's definitely not easy watching everyone with their friends while you sit alone pretty much every single day counting down the minutes until the school day ends but it teaches you that you don't need other people to have fun and also, during free periods, I'm definitely getting a lot more work done than they are because I don't have anything to distract me. I'm happy that other people have friends and I'm happy that they enjoy the company of others but I admit that I am not like that.

It has taught me how to stand up for my beliefs, even if I did do that before anyway but it's definitely strengthened this, because I have nobody to worry about not being my friend anymore or bitching about me to someone else and I'm able to develop my own mind which I think is something that is incredibly important because as lovely as it was having such a close group of best friends during secondary school, it's vital that you realise what you actually like and want in the world and you're not just going along with what other people say because that's "easier".

Honestly, I'm unsure what people think of me there. I've only talked to a very small amount of the year in the nearly two years that I have been there. Yes, I do have a couple of friends that I talk to occasionally but it's been pleasant enough to sit back and not have to worry about drama or someone tweeting something shady or not being invited to somebody's party.

While this all seems very much positive and I knew this would happen, it was my 2017 goal to be more honest on this blog because after all, I'm supposed to be helping people in similar circumstances to myself. It's isolating having nobody to talk to, to walk into a class late because you live on the other side of Plymouth(but teachers still don't really seem to get that) and feel peoples glaring eyes on you because "didn't she wear that yesterday?" "why does she always look so miserable?". So, I said that it was good for me to experience this in order to grow into the individual that I am now but in no way has it been easy.

When I was younger, I used to get so upset wondering "why don't people like me?" "why aren't I treated the same as others" but I understand now. It all makes sense when you realise that although the world is supposed to be more open to change now, they are still scared of it. I don't blame people, there should just be more education in schools to raise awareness that not everyone is the same and THAT'S OK. I stopped wondering a long time ago and now I just accept it because I'm happy enough with the people in my life and honestly, I don't need people who are going to call me "attention seeking" or "weird" behind my back because I get too nervous about speaking in front of a class.

It's weird how much has changed in the past few years but also, it's been incredibly refreshing to see myself grow from what I was to what I am now. I mean, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Lauryn


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